Little People...

It hits me in waves all the time. When I look at my oldest daughter and realize that her pants are suddenly FLOODS, or getting ready to head out the door to church and Ty's shoes just don't fit anymore, or just changing out things from season to season. They are growing up, and faster than I'd like.

What especially gets me every time is when the baby moves up from 0-3 (which is what we're in the process of doing with Bree right now), then 3-6, then 6-12 month sized clothing and I have to pack up those shoes, or that dress that SHE won't fill anymore. Because it keeps on happening, faster and faster with each child. Each year is more lightening fast then the last and I can't quite figure out how to keep that rock on their head, and they keep breaking their promises to me to just stop growing up so fast!

And because I am SO head over heals in love with my babies. Their smell, their velvety soft cheeks, those first grins that are directed to ME when they look like they are going to burst at the seams. How they feel cuddled up to me in the Baby Bjorn or sleeping on my chest for some quick zzz's.

But I really realized something today. It is something that I keep having to learn over and over again, that some day I may master and happily--caught another glimpse of this afternoon. As I sat on the porch with Bree, sipped my Jamba Juice and watched my 3 bigger kids play & explore in the small brook in Sugarhouse Commons, it struck me that I really enjoy having big kids. Big enough to take off their own shoes, use their own imaginations to come up with various games--like what will float down faster, crocs or leaves?--big enough to have real conversations, work out real compromises with, big enough to help their younger siblings, or come up with "how to fill the rest of summer" lists (with things that I'll actually ENJOY doing, too). Big enough to decide between ballet or soccer this fall (and trying to bite my tongue when she chooses ballet:)

Big enough to also have real feelings--hurt, ecstatic, first crushes, feeling left out, learning how to be a good friend and how to choose good friends. I love watching them turn into real people--that I know inside and out, yet am still trying to figure out daily. Because they are evolving and trying to figure out for themselves just what makes them tick. And I'm so relieved when they still want me to be a sounding board, to help them work through things, to play with them and to snuggle up with a good book, or just hug them when they have just lost it. They are MY little people, who are the greatest people in the world to me (as they should be, right?!) And not only is it okay with me that they are growing up, it can actually be fun (and hard, and crazy, and chaotic...but that is for another post...).

So as I pack up Bree's newborn clothes and move on to the next size, I'm trying harder this time around to not be so sad about the "lasts", as closing up each box also means the promise of new "firsts", new experiences and opening up new, endless possibilities.